I’m in a glass case of emotion

So many people have asked how I’m feeling on this trip. 

Just as it would be at home, depending on the day, the answer is a mixed bag. But there’s something about being away from comfort zones and knowing that I’m on this epic trip that make me more hyper aware of my emotions.

There’s the overwhelming joy and pit of gratitude that has settled permanently in my stomach, knowing I’m able to take this trip that so many people only hope for. There’s the sadness and regret that I’m missing important things at home, like my growing family and my best friends. There’s the fear and worry of the unknown as I travel, not knowing what the next few hours or days will hope and hoping I’m able to be brave enough to handle it. There’s the exhaustion from absorbing so many new sights and smells and cultures. There’s the loneliness that comes when I wish one of my best friends was at my side to enjoy the moment with me, instead of a person who I’ll never see again. 

Then there are they day-to-day emotions that make me laugh when I reflect on them. The jolt of surprise when I take a shower in Krabi and rinse out my shampoo only to see two geckos on the shower stall staring at me. The anxiety when a monkey growls at me, so I call the camp’s chihuahua named Susie to chase it away. The puffed up sense of pride I feel when I jump into a body of water that I know has things like crocodiles and snakes in it, but I do it anyway (and then eat them at a food market later). The feeling of accomplishment and newfound wisdom when I finish a museum or tour, because I’m now the smartest, most cultured person around - DUH. 

Maybe it’s because I’m not working and there’s plenty of time to think about the emotions that I put aside when I once claimed to be too busy with work to think about them. Or maybe it’s the adventure that puts a spotlight on it everything. 

But after it all, as I sit here on a rainy day in Krabi, there’s the holy-shit-I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this feeling, which will never get old.